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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27988410">Among the Stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imori_Hikaru/pseuds/Imori_Hikaru'>Imori_Hikaru</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Nightmares, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:53:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27988410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imori_Hikaru/pseuds/Imori_Hikaru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon-divergence from Season 4 Episode 2 - Pidge had been strongly motivated to find her family from the beginning. She wanted to bring Matt and her dad home safely. When given the opportunity to potentially find Matt, she jumps at it. This leads her to a spy base, where she is attacked by a masked individual. She quickly shuts down the attacker, unfortunately, in her haste to protect herself, she brought an end to the main goal she'd been working towards since she snuck into the Galaxy Garrison. Her brother would no longer be coming home, safe or otherwise. And it was her doing. Not the Galra. Given no time to process Matt's death, Pidge is captured by a bounty hunter and handed over to the Galra. She isn't held captive for long before Voltron finds her, but she isn't the same. Pidge struggles to cope with Matt's death and the major hand she played in it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Pidge Angst Bang</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Among the Stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“No. Please no.” Pidge’s voice cracked as she bolted through the monument. Horror pulsed through her veins as she slid down the ledge, stumbling and falling into the dirt, but not stopping. She was on her feet instantly, rushing through the tombstones. So many tombstones. So many fallen rebels. Matt. There was no way Matt was among them. He couldn’t be. Pidge refused to believe that he had fallen to the hands of the Galra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The transmitter in Pidge’s grasp beeped, signaling that Matt was right in front of her. No. Not Matt. Matt’s tombstone. It felt like the universe came to a complete stop. Pidge’s blood ran cold and her heart began to physically ache.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m too late…” her legs gave out and she sat in the dirt, curled in on herself. The tears and sobs of anguish permeated the air around her as the robotic voice continued to repeat Matt’s name on a loop. She’d never given up hope. She had spent every spare moment she had searching for her family. It was all for naught. Matthew was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge continued to sob, the tears streaking her cheeks and the inside of her helmet. She didn’t know how long she stayed in the dirt before her brother’s tombstone, but something eventually caught her attention. The numbers attached to Matt’s name. His birthday. It wasn’t right. The numbers meant something else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge scrambled to pull up the book. The same book Matt and her father had used for their encryption code. It took only a few seconds for her to crack the code, running the encryption along with the additions and subtractions to get the message Matt was trying to send. A set of coordinates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wasting no time, Pidge was on her feet and booking it back to her lion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her eyes traced over the screen before her, taking in the information that this spy base was tracking. She didn’t have the time to connect the dots to understand the information before she felt the presence behind her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The helmeted assailant swung at her with their weapon. She knocked it away with her bayard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge’s bayard stuck her attacker, knocking them back and causing them to stumble. They hit the ground. She didn’t hesitate, not wanting them to get up and return fire. Pidge lunged at them, without hesitation her bayard sunk into their chest, using her body weight as leverage. A scream of pain escaped them as she ripped the bayard out of their chest. The wound began to bleed instantly. There was a lot of blood. It soaked through their shirt and into their cloak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The adrenaline and emotions of the day were the only thing keeping Pidge going. She was sure that normally piercing the chest cavity of another being would have been a struggle for her, but today, with how far she’d been pushed mentally and emotionally, she didn’t flinch and didn’t struggle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pidge?” The hoarse, pained whisper was almost inaudible, but Pidge heard it. She froze. Her eyes were cracked wide in pure horror. She dropped down beside her attacker, her hands trembled as she placed a hand on either side of their helmet, pulling it off gently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Light brown, almost golden, hair spilled around his shoulders as sad brown eyes took in Pidge’s features. Matt tried to smile at her, but instead he coughed painfully, blood spilling from his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p> <span>“Matt, no, I’m so sorry,” Pidge whimpered.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>"Paladin of Voltron," the deep, grumbly voice struck both Pidge and Matt, their situation going to terrible, to somehow even worse. Pidge looked up in horror at the alien who loomed over them, Matt's head and torso cradled in her lap. She was struggling to see past her tears. "It looks like it's my lucky day. Matthew Holt, you're worth more to me alive than dead, but I'll take what I can get."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somewhere in the back of Pidge's mind she was screaming at herself to get up, to fight, to protect herself and Matt, but she didn't move. She curled herself over her brother's weakening body. Apologies tumbled from her lips, all this time she'd spent searching for Matt, maintaining hope that he was still out there, only for him to die at her hands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Matt shakily raised a hand to place it on Pidge's forearm. He was pale, so very pale. They were sitting in a pool of blood at this point, and there was no sign of the blood loss stopping.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm proud of you, Katie," Matt croaked weakly. His blood coated lips wobbled, like he was trying to smile. There was a hint of light left behind his eyes still, but it was quickly dimming. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He coughed again. "Save yourself, please..." Matt's eyes didn't fall closed, but the last bit of life behind them faded away and Pidge knew. Matt was gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had lost her brother. This time, he was truly gone with no hope of bringing him home. And she had been the cause. She killed him. Pidge murdered her own brother.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"How touching," the bounty hunter said sarcastically, his commentary falling on deaf ears as Pidge let out a scream of anguish. She didn't fight or struggle when the bounty hunter easily apprehended her. Her hands and feet were bound together quickly with no resistance. Her and Matt's lifeless body, haphazardly thrown over the shoulders of the bounty hunter as he retreats to his ship to turn in his bounty.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge was thrown against the hard metal of the bounty hunter's ship. She grunted on impact, squeezing her eyes shut as Matt was thrown down on top of her in the small space. The door closed heavily, locking in place. Pidge couldn't breathe. She wasn’t sure if it was because her brother's lifeless body was crushing her, or because she was having a panic attack. It took more effort than Pidge had in her to wiggle herself out from under the dead weight of Matt's body. There wasn’t much space in this room. Calling it a room might be too generous, it was more like a closet. Maybe even a cage. Pidge was forced to slump against Matt, her arms and legs bound uncomfortably.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge wanted to die. That was the honest truth. She'd imagined a million scenarios where she was finally reunited with Matt, but this was a scenario worse than a thousand nightmares. There wasn't a worse possible outcome. How things had ended so badly, Pidge had no idea, but this was her fault. It was her fault her brother was dead and her fault she was captured. It was her fault she was pressed against the body of the brother she murdered, his lifeless eyes still open and bearing into her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge didn’t have any more tears to cry. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, hours maybe, but her tears dried, and the emotional exhaustion took over. She didn't want to sleep. She didn't deserve it, but she couldn't fight it as the darkness took over and she fell into a repeating nightmare of the moment her bayard sunk into Matt's chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge didn't even wake up as she was removed from the ship and handed over to the Galra. She was just as limp and lifeless as Matt, but unfortunately, she was still alive. She missed how Matt's body was handed over and discarded by the Galra, money changing hands for both Matt and Pidge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Pidge woke, she was alone in a cell. It was dark and cold. Her clothes were gone, stripped away at some point by the Galra before they locked her away. She pulled her arms around herself as she examined her surroundings. There was a stack of folded clothes at the end of her cold metal bed. Sluggishly, she grabbed the scratchy fabric and pulled the loose, ill fitting top and pants on.</span>
</p>
<p> <span>Somewhere in the back of her mind, Pidge could hear Matt’s voice. </span><em><span>Save yourself. </span></em><span>What was the point? Pidge had already failed her mission. She could try to escape, but the effort seemed like all too much. She was supposed to bring Matt and her dad home safely. Now Matt wouldn’t be coming home at all.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge made no effort to fight back against the Galra when they came to her cell, demanding she provide information and research. She sat silently, staring vacantly at the floor. She didn’t notice when the officer began to raise his voice, angry with her. She did notice when a large hand knotted itself in the back of her hair, yanking her up from the floor angrily. She made a small noise of discomfort, pain surging over her from where she was being held up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where is Voltron?” The Galra officer seethed. She didn’t reply or look at him. Last she heard, Voltron was still on Olkarian, but she had no idea if they were still there, she wasn’t even sure how long she had been gone. Besides, whatever punishment the Galra decided to give her, she thought she deserved it, and more. The officer yelled something at her, but she wasn’t listening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Growing frustrated, he threw Pidge onto the hard metal ground. She bit her tongue in an effort to remain silent. She ignored the pain that bloomed in her shoulder and the side of her head. The physical pain she felt was nothing compared to the ache of her heart. Dying would have been easier than living with the pain and guilt of losing Matt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The days blurred together. Pidge spent them replaying the moment her bayard sunk into Matt’s chest and how the light left his eyes. She was tormented by her memories. The Galra eventually gave up trying to get information from her. She hardly even seemed to notice that they were there anyway, no matter what they said or did. She was useless to them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> <span>Hunk’s neck popped as he did a double take. He’d held out hope that they’d find Pidge, even when Lance and Keith began to get gloomy, saying it was pointless. The green lion was in the hands of the Galra and Pidge was nowhere to be found. Shiro had a lot of regrets about letting Pidge leave that day. He should have tried harder to stop her. He knew first hand what the Galra were capable of. Her chances weren’t zero, but he also knew that surviving in their captivity wasn’t easy.</span></p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge. Or at least the shell of her. She was sitting on a metal crate, staring at the wall. As far as Hunk could tell, there was nothing of interest on the wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pidge!” He called out. He was so relieved and excited to see her. She was alive. She didn’t react at first. Hunk ran in her direction, ready to throw his arms around her. Keith and Lance rounded the corner, eyes wide, having heard Hunk call out Pidge’s name. Shiro wasn’t far behind them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hunk yelped as he hit the ground. Keith and Lance wasted no time moving in against Pidge. Lance hesitated, afraid to hurt her, but he knocked the weapon out of her grip, sending it sliding across the floor. She landed a few solid punches on both of them, but Keith managed to get his arms around her, effectively immobilizing her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shiro's expression softened when he saw the look in Pidge's eyes. He recognized that look, because he'd seen it reflected back at him every time he looked in the mirror for a long while after escaping from the Galra. The Galra were ruthless, and as much as it pained him, he was pretty sure he knew what Pidge had gone through. At least to some degree. Keith tightened his grip around her as she struggled against him weakly. Hunk hovered nervously behind Lance, having gotten back to his feet at some point during the scuffle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Pidge?" Hunk asked softly, he reached out to her, wanting to comfort her. He winced, pressing his other hand harder against his shoulder. Shiro's eyes widened seeing the spreading red stain on Hunk's shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hunk?" Lance was now looking at the pained look on Hunk's face coupled with the obvious wound. Even with Hunk's hand covering it, they could tell it wasn't good. Hunk tried to smile, but it was more like a grimace before he hit the ground. Shiro swore under his breath.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge eventually had stopped fighting them, letting Keith carry her limply to his lion. She sat quietly on the floor, not speaking or moving until they were safely within the Castle, even then she didn’t acknowledge Keith or that they had arrived. He had to carry her to the Bridge where Lance and Coran were waiting. Shiro and Allura had taken Hunk to his room and were treating his wound.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keith plunked Pidge down in her usual spot, a spot that had been empty for a few weeks now. Her eyes didn’t seem to focus on anything in particular. Keith stood over her, arms crossed, expression tight. Coran was jittery, looking at Pidge, noting how </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> she looked. She was littered with bruises, there was blood on her, she was dirty in general, and the life was missing from her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Coran.” Keith’s eyes were fixed on Pidge, waiting for her to move, attack, explain herself, anything really. They spent weeks tracking the green lion in hopes of finding Pidge, and when they finally managed to track her down she hurt Hunk. A hell of a way to thank the person who pushed the hardest for them to look for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pidge?” Allura’s voice was soft, heavy with concern, as she and Shiro joined the others on the bridge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’s Hunk?” Keith asked, his eyes never leaving Pidge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s sleeping, but he’ll be fine.” Shiro put a hand on Keith’s shoulder, guiding him away from Pidge. Shiro took his place and crouched down. “Pidge, we know you went through a lot. If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here, okay? I understand—"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No, Shiro, you don't." Pidge snapped. "You don't understand anything." Her voice dripped with venom as she spat the words at him. His eyes were blown wide, not expecting such an outburst from her. Lance and Keith shared a look, obviously uncomfortable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shiro was also held captive by the Galra. If anyone is going to understand what you went through, it'll be him," Keith pointed out, unhelpfully. Pidge turned her wrath onto him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"None of you know what I've gone through, not even Shiro. No one else would ever understand, and I don't want to talk about it. Not to Shiro, and not to any of you!" Pidge's voice cracked as she stormed out of the room, headed towards her bedroom. Allura looked like she'd wanted to say something, but refrained in favor of letting her go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were all quiet for a long moment. It was Keith who broke the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You were held captive by the Galra for longer than she was," Keith pointed out to Shiro, a hint of irritation in his tone. "Twice!" He threw his arms up in frustration. Shiro put a hand on Keith's shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's fine," Shiro's voice was even and calm. "Give her time. She's been through a lot."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm going to go check on Hunk." Lance slipped out of the room. He considered stopping by Pidge's room to check on her too, but decided against it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hunk was still sleeping when Lance popped his head into his room, unsurprisingly. He was alright, but the wound on his shoulder was pretty considerable. It would take him a bit of time to heal and was definitely going to leave a scar. Lance sighed softly, about to leave when he heard a groan from Hunk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Lance?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hunk, hey buddy, how are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is Pidge okay?” Hunk’s voice was weak, grimacing from the pain that shot through him when he tried to move. Lance’s eyes narrowed and he clicked his tongue before looking away from Hunk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t believe she did this to you,” Lance’s voice was strained. Pidge and Hunk were his best friends, and Pidge could have killed Hunk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She was scared,” Hunk reasoned softly. “Please don’t hold it against her. I’d be scared too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re always scared,” Lance sighed, sitting down on the edge of Hunk’s bed, careful not to jostle him around too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think she’ll ever open up about what happened?” Hunk wondered aloud. Lance sighed again. It didn’t surprise him that Hunk knew Pidge wouldn’t want to talk.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure, Hunk. I’m not sure.” Lance stood up, stretched, and looked down at Hunk. “Want me to grab you somethin’ to eat?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ooh,” Hunk hummed softly, contemplating the things he’d want to eat, but his eyes began to droop. He was asleep again before Lance even made it to the door. Once the door closed behind him, Lance threw a fist into the wall. Where did things go so wrong?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Allura gently suggested Pidge get washed up and get some sleep. Pidge shrugged her off when she tried to walk with her. Allura was worried, but she let Pidge go. She needed time. Pidge tried her best to push past the sea of negativity that she was drowning in, but it was hard. It was so hard. She was back with the team, she was safe, but it was hard to be happy about it when Matt wasn’t safe. Matt was dead. And it was her fault. He could have been here with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She shuffled into the bathroom, eyes on the floor as she made her way. She paused in front of the mirror, eyes slowly making their way up to take in the sight she was. It felt like the air in Pidge’s lungs was sucked out. She had to fight to keep herself upright, hands flying to the edges of the sink as the world swayed around her. There was blood splattered on her face and arms. Blood she knew wasn’t her own.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bile rose in the back of her throat and she stumbled to the toilet. There wasn’t much in her stomach, though she wasn’t sure if that made the situation better or worse. Regardless, once the room stopped spinning, she turned on the hot water and stood numbly in the stream, allowing the water to warm her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge had to admit it was nice to be clean. It didn’t make her feel better, but it made her feel more human. Wearing her own clothes was also nice, though she was pretty sure they were fitting looser than when she left. Her pajamas were so much softer than the potato sack like clothes provided by the Galra, and slipping into her own bed, with an actual mattress, pillows, and a blanket? Pidge was out almost instantly. Unfortunately, even in the comfort of the Castle, the nightmares still plagued her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Pidge shrieked. Shiro’s hand froze, hovering between them. His features were marred with worry. He just wanted to help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is your problem?” Keith snapped. He was tired of tiptoeing around Pidge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keith, don’t.” Shiro’s eyes landed heavily on Keith. He was telling him to walk away and to leave it alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Keith grit his teeth as he encroached on the space Pidge and Shiro were taking up. “We’ve all been through hell. We’ve all been dealing with things. You’ve been through more than any of us. She doesn’t get to belittle you just because she couldn’t find her brother and got herself captured.” Allura had closed the distance between her and Keith, her hand on his arm, trying to get him to back off.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did find him,” Pidge mumbled. Shiro’s head whipped back over to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did find him,” she repeated louder, with more anger behind it. Everyone got quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was he--” Lance looked around in uncertainty. “Where is he?” Hunk and Lance met one another’s gaze with wide eyes. Had they left him behind on the Galra ship?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pidge?” Shiro’s voice was soft as he took in the way Pidge’s expression shifted. She let out a pained whimper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s dead.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like the air was sucked out of the room. For a long moment, nobody spoke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure?” Shiro asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If someone said--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s dead,” Pidge bit out. “I killed him.” Pidge didn’t wait for the information to settle before she walked out of the bridge. She didn’t want to face them. She was a murderer. Matt had done nothing wrong, and she killed him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did I hear that right?” Coran asked, trying to clean out one of his ears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro?” Keith bit his lower lip as he looked to Shiro for a reaction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t understand. This whole time, her biggest concern was finding her family, but she killed Matt?” Lance was at a loss. He tried to wrap his head around what had to have happened for Pidge to have turned on Matt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m going to go talk to her,” Shiro announced as he started after her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shiro, wait!” Allura gave him a sad look. “Maybe we should give her some space.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s had plenty of space,” Keith snapped. “It’s been weeks and we’ve given her nothing but space.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hunk found Pidge curled up on the couch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he sat down beside her. She didn’t reply or acknowledge him. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t have to. No one is going to make you, but I just wanted to say that we’re glad you’re back. No one is judging you for what you did. We don’t know what happened out there, but it doesn’t matter.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hunk--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a paladin of Voltron. We’re in this together, and we trust and believe in you”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I killed my own brother,” Pidge whimpered, finally looking at Hunk. Tears threatened to spill. Pidge sniffled, throwing her arms around Hunk and finally letting them fall. She hadn’t cried since that day. No matter how much she wanted to, the tears wouldn’t come. She figured that was fine. She didn’t deserve to cry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ssh, it’s okay,” Hunk rubbed circles on her back, paying no mind to the growing wet spot on his shirt. He cooed softly to her, letting her know it was going to be okay, to let it out. She cried for a long time, but Hunk made no move to get her to stop clinging to him. She needed this. Eventually, the tears stopped, and her breathing evened out. She’d fallen asleep. Hunk smiled sadly, continuing to rub her back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lance walked in a short while later, eyebrows shooting towards his hairline at the sight of Pidge and Hunk on the couch tangled up together. Hunk put his fingers to his lips. Lance nodded, tiptoeing by, gawking at the strange sight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hunk let her sleep, a bit of drool adding to the moisture her tears and snot had made on his chest. It wasn’t until he really needed to use the restroom that he gently moved himself from beneath her and settled her against the couch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that?” Lance asked the second Hunk was out of the room. Hunk yelped, hands flying to his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What the heck, Lance. Have you been out here this whole time?” Hunk frowned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You and Pidge, huh?” Lance put his hands behind his head, a curious brow raised as he followed Hunk down the hall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about us?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you two, like, a thing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A thing?” Hunk stopped to look at Lance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A couple?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Hunk balked at the idea. “No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want to be?” Lance pushed. The three of them had been pretty close since all of this started, but he’d noticed that Hunk and Pidge were closer than he was to either of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What I want is for Pidge to get through this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Lance said softly, dropping his boisterous act. “Me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Pidge squinted, putting a hand up to block the blinding light of the sun. She was in a field, the hem of her dress floating in the gentle breeze. As her eyes adjusted to the light she noticed she wasn’t alone. Matt was here.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Pidge?” Matt blinked at her. “What are you doing here?” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s a long story.” She smiled at him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’ve done amazing things, you know.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You have too,” Pidge grinned up at her brother. He laughed, eyes crinkling as he ruffled her hair.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s a shame I can’t keep helping the rebels and Voltron.” There was heavy sadness in his tone. Pidge frowned.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why can’t you?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m dead, remember?” Matt’s brow furrowed. “You killed me.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Horror spread across Pidge’s face as their peaceful surroundings dropped away and she was back in the rebel bunker, her body moving on it’s own as her bayard sunk into the chest of a masked figure. Matt. She sobbed as his breastbone cracked, giving way to her weapon and blood began to stain his shirt.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No! Matt, no, please…”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Pidge--”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“No!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Pidge--”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Matt!” Pidge yanked her helmet off, reaching out for Matt just as the ground fell out from under them. It was dark for a long moment before Pidge landed on a couch. A very familiar couch. She was home. Her parents were sitting across from her, looking at her sadly, maybe even angrily.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“How could you--” Colleen’s voice cracked, tucking her head against Samuel. Pidge’s mouth opened, but she closed it without saying anything. Her dad looked at her, eyes full of regret.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“He was your brother, Katie. He loved you.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I didn’t-- I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know…”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You killed your own bother, Katie.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pidge woke with a start, sweating and panting heavily. She took in the darkness that surrounded her. She was back in her room within the Castle of Lions. Dread filled her veins. Her dad was still out there somewhere. She had to get him back, but that meant she was going to have to tell him. She’d have to admit that Matt was gone. And it was her fault. Telling her mom would be even worse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She let out a frustrated scream, her hands covering her face. After taking a moment to collect herself, she let her hands fall away. No sooner, did a soft knock come at her door. It opened before she could say anything. Allura stepped in timidly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pidge?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hi.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you okay? I couldn’t help but overhear…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Pidge lied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to join me for a late night snack?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No that’s--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hunk made cookies, and I just can’t seem to help myself.” Allura blushed softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hunk made them?” Pidge perked up a little. “Yeah, yeah okay. I’ll join you.” Pidge vaguely wondered what kind of cookies they were, or where Hunk would have even gotten the ingredients he needed to make actual cookies, though she supposed she didn’t care.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hunk said he’s feeling much better. His shoulder appears to be healing nicely.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s good,” Pidge bit the inside of her cheek. Hurting Hunk was just one more thing she had to feel guilty about. She wanted to ask how bad the injury had actually been, but she was too scared to know what she had done.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is, isn’t it? It’s nice seeing him up and moving around the Castle again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s also nice to have you back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things weren’t returning to the normal they once knew. Keith was clearly still mad at Pidge, and Pidge wasn’t the same person she had been before everything happened, but the team was beginning to consider this their new normal.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Shiro bumped his shoulder gently into Pidge’s. “I don’t think Matt would be mad at you.That’s not the kind of guy he was. He wouldn’t fault you for protecting yourself. And I know he was proud of you. He was proud of you even before you became a Paladin.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I enrolled at the Garrison because I wanted to follow in his and dad’s footsteps, and because I wanted to prove that they were still alive. That they were still out there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you’ve exceeded all expectations in terms of following in their footsteps.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I’m the reason they won’t be coming home safely to Earth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your dad is still out there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” Shiro smiled sadly. “You don’t really believe that. Your dad is smart, he’s out there Katie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe... “ The lack of confidence Pidge had in finding her father alive was disheartening, but Shiro couldn’t fault her for it. Nothing was certain, and losing Matt took a heavy toll on her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I didn’t know Matt as well as you, but I think he’d be happy to have his final resting place be among the stars.” Shiro gently put an arm around Pidge after she sniffled softly. He tucked her against his body, doing his best to provide some semblance of comfort while she cried.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My entry for the Pidge Angst Bang! I got to work with one of the events mods, Sakarrie! You can find their full piece at the link below. They stepped in last minute as a pinch hitter and were a pleasure to work with! Thank you Sakarrie for the amazing artwork and being such a good partner!</p>
<p>Artwork: <a href="https://sakarrie.tumblr.com/post/637158275418406912/im-so-excited-to-finally-share-this-i-was-lucky">https://sakarrie.tumblr.com/post/637158275418406912/im-so-excited-to-finally-share-this-i-was-lucky</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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